Okay, perhaps I'm being a bit dramatic here, but ever since classes have started back, I've felt soooo stressed, and it seems I never have any time anymore to just be. not be a student. not be a perfectionist. Just be.
But this feeling is nothing new to me, though. I've felt this way ever since the second grade.
Why do I say second grade? Why don't I say first grade?Well, because in the first grade, I still worked my mini-ass off, but I wasn't preoccupied with getting straight A's. Well, I won't say that, actually, because when I got a B in penmanship, I worked extra hard at my damn cursive so my teacher would give me an A! hehe
But what I mean is that it wasn't life or death to me. It was just either really good or really bad.
Then I won the scholastic achievement award for having the highest grade in my class in the first grade. I think this is where everything change for me. I think that at seven years of age, I realized that my life was going to be based upon not merely succeeding but excelling.
Since then, I have always worked my hardest, tortured myself over my work, and I've usually reaped the benefits.
But I continuously worry - what am I going to do if I don't make an A one day? And this is bound to happen! I am human; I am not infallible, though I'd like to think myself so. How can I handle not excelling...how can I handle simply achieving?
I say all this because I'm quite stressed about two of my classes this semester - Anatomy and Physiology and Pre-Calculus Trigonometry. What if these two classes ruin my excelling? Can I handle that?
*sigh*
I guess the only thing I can do is attempt to continue to excel and see what happens.
Anyway, this is not really a cohesive blog nor a detailed one. I just felt like writing my anxieties out, and this seemed to be as good a place as any. :-p
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